The control factor run deep in me and I love it. You should orgasm much more than he does. You're in charge, remember? This must be done carefully and for the fun aspect of your dominance. Red, yellow, green works very well at first, Red being stop we're going to far, yellow meaning to turn it down a notch and green meaning "that all you got"? If you've landed here, perhaps you do.
And remember, if he goes down on you with any sort of enthusiasm or regularity, he obviously wants to be there!
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Your submissive husband is very lucky to have you. Thank you for this. Fap material is not allowed. He is sharing everything with you and no one else, so even if it seems pretty odd or nasty, try it, make him do it, whatever. When you do decide it's time for him to come, pick a spot where you want him to and direct his dick there. If he has fetishes like these than he is a sexual person.